i can’t find my preliminary hearing transcripts – so what do am i to do? I need them to prepare a 995 motion to dismiss the charges. I ask the clerk for it. she tells me she only has the originals. she says she got to talk to “her judge”. I come back later that day and she gives me two volumes of transcripts. i assume she’s copied the originals forgetting for a moment that the county doesn’t have enough money to provide paper for the copy machines in the courts. But i think she copied it.

I file the 995 and go off to new york to see my grandkid, kids (they’re having kids) my wife’s show OPA! the musical and Leonard Cohen. Whew – busy time. I don’t check my phone messages. When I get back to the office I’ve got a dozen calls from the clerk and the judge.

He needs the transcripts back – every call becomes more clamorous cause he “needs” the transcripts to rule on my motion. He’s freaking out. Before I even finished listening to all the voice mail I’m on the Dash bus to court and rush over to the courtroom. I’ve got the transcripts in my hands.

They’re doing another case another hearing when I walk in – there’s somebody testifying – a jury trial – there’s a jury in the box and the judge sees me when I run in – and he says: “I’m in another hearing Mr. Meyer but I want you to know that that was the first time I’ve ever given the transcripts to anyone because I trusted you and you have betrayed that trust.”

I only got as far as opening my mouth – he turns back to his jury. After that i sit in the audience like i’ve been condemned – all I wanted was to say: “i didn’t know – i was away – i didn’t get your messages – i thought it was a copy – i wouldn’t betray your trust! – i’m a goddamn grandfather!”

this morning the judge is on the bench when i get there. “I had to read your motion at 6:30 this morning mr. meyer.” He just won’t let it go. Why are some people like that? The judge calls the case. My client shuffles out in his chains. And then the judge rules – he doesn’t even have me argue. He says – I’m going to grant Mr. Meyer’s motion. He asks the DA if he’s wants to argue. The DA has plenty to argue about.

And then the judge rules.  Grants my motion – dismisses the murder charges against my guy. Everybody is shocked. I’m shocked. How many 995′s do I win? Not many. I’m suspicious. What’s up with this judge? Is he trying to fuck me over? Is this part of some nepharious plot?