April 14, 2010

CHAMBERS CONFERENCE

Filed under: crimes,judges,lawyer funny,Uncategorized — Murray @ 12:56 am

We’re in the judge’s chambers in the middle of a trial.  We’ve gone back there to argue about mob-bossan objection the DA is making to something I was asking his witness.   I don’t understand the point the prosecutor is making.  Don’t think the judge does either because he repeats everything the DA is saying like it’s a puzzle and he keeps adding pieces to the puzzle.  This was supposed to take a minute – the jury is waiting in the courtroom – but its stretching out to twenty minutes.

My mind is wandering.  I don’t care what the ruling is just please  let’s get out of here the standing up while the thing is being discussed to death  is killing me.  I can’t take the standing – my hips ache.  The judge doesn’t care.  He’s  sitting  on a little stool in between me and the DA like a midget referee.

I’ve totally tuned out. Should I take my dog for a walk when I get home or should I work out? It’s been awhile since I worked out but Louie my dog hasn’t been on a walk forever.  The walk can be a work out couldn’t it?   Boy, this chambers is like a man’s den you’d see on Father Knows Best, lots of leather.  I’m sure it’s “decorated”.  Did he do it?  Nah his wife must have decorated.  I wouldn’t mind having an office like this…

The judge is talking like he’s winding up.  He does.  He gets up from his stool.  Shit I missed it.  What did he say?

“Oh” I say “can you repeat your ruling your honor?”  He stands up and puts his face right up to my face our noses almost touching.    I can feel him breathing.  He holds my arms in his hands so I can’t move.  What’s  he going to do?  Beat me up? Put a knife in my gut?  This judge is crazy he could do anything.

In a loud voice he carefully enunciates – “I want you to listen carefully to my rulings do you understand me?”   “Yes your honor.”   I  follow him out of chambers into the courtroom like a chastened schoolboy.

He scared the hell out of me.

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