May 11, 2011
April 22, 2011
March 25, 2011
January 21, 2011
January 7, 2011
May 1, 2010
April 27, 2010
i can’t get no respect part xviii
Half the time i’m fighting with my guys because i want him to take the deal. “You’re going to lose if you go to trial. Take the deal, it’s alot better than the judge will give you after the jury convicts you.” Then he’s upset because “you’re my lawyer and you don’t believe me!”
And the other half it’s like hang on, what’s your hurry to take the deal? You’ve got a great case. They’ll never be able to convict. But he doesn’t believe me.
April 14, 2010
CHAMBERS CONFERENCE
We’re in the judge’s chambers in the middle of a trial. We’ve gone back there to argue about 
an objection the DA is making to something I was asking his witness. I don’t understand the point the prosecutor is making. Don’t think the judge does either because he repeats everything the DA is saying like it’s a puzzle and he keeps adding pieces to the puzzle. This was supposed to take a minute – the jury is waiting in the courtroom – but its stretching out to twenty minutes.
My mind is wandering. I don’t care what the ruling is just please let’s get out of here the standing up while the thing is being discussed to death is killing me. I can’t take the standing – my hips ache. The judge doesn’t care. He’s sitting on a little stool in between me and the DA like a midget referee.
I’ve totally tuned out. Should I take my dog for a walk when I get home or should I work out? It’s been awhile since I worked out but Louie my dog hasn’t been on a walk forever. The walk can be a work out couldn’t it? Boy, this chambers is like a man’s den you’d see on Father Knows Best, lots of leather. I’m sure it’s “decorated”. Did he do it? Nah his wife must have decorated. I wouldn’t mind having an office like this…
The judge is talking like he’s winding up. He does. He gets up from his stool. Shit I missed it. What did he say?
“Oh” I say “can you repeat your ruling your honor?” He stands up and puts his face right up to my face our noses almost touching. I can feel him breathing. He holds my arms in his hands so I can’t move. What’s he going to do? Beat me up? Put a knife in my gut? This judge is crazy he could do anything.
In a loud voice he carefully enunciates – “I want you to listen carefully to my rulings do you understand me?” “Yes your honor.” I follow him out of chambers into the courtroom like a chastened schoolboy.
He scared the hell out of me.
March 10, 2010
February 17, 2010
JUDGES – PART X
Walking into a courtroom, seeing a man or a woman sitting higher up than me, wearing a black robe with a name plate saying “JUDGE” is all it takes to make me into a blithering toady. It’s my default position. I’m an impossible obey the rules conformist. I hate it. I don’t want to be. I really don’t. Sure I believe in Respecting the Institution and the Office but only on the outside. You Exhibit Respect and Kowtow because it’s the right thing to do. You can’t have a justice system if the institution isn’t held high. Sure.
But on the inside I want to be a liberated soul on earth – a rebel refusing to recognize the inequality of men. But put me in a courtroom, and I become an authority worshipping pussy. My therapist would say I project my FATHER up there wearing the judge’s robes. I’m actually scared of the guy up there. Or the lady.
And the weird thing is I always assume a judge is smarter than me and knows the law better. And is just plain smarter. He’s a judge right? So when I encounter a judge who’s so patently stupid and clearly knows nothing about anything let enough of the law I don’t know how to react. Especially if he’s a nice guy. Can a judge be that dumb? Evidently yes according to all the available evidence.
